You name it, I've tried it. My focus has always been to lose weight and be skinny - no matter what the consequences/side effects/damage it caused - I HAD TO BE SKINNY. People have to be skinny to be accepted, right? At least that's what we're made to think. I was always a chubby kid which lead to being and overweight adult. Sure, I had a couple of times in my young adult life that I got a taste of the thin life. The ways I got there were not healthy and were very short lived.
This struggle goes deeper than dieting. I have to make efforts to change the way I think. The first new thought/motto...? "Healthy, not skinny". I have 2 daughters (ages 8 & 5) who deserve to have a healthy role model. I lost my mom to a heart attack when she was 42. I don't even want to think about leaving my girls without their mom. Motivation? Yes, I have it. Will power? That's another story. I do feel that my motivation will fuel my will power.
Bottom line, I've spent the last 2 years eating whatever I want whenever I want. If I didn't feel like doing something, I didn't. Yes, I'm a bit stubborn. What did this mentality get me? 80 lbs of extra weight, low mood, sore joints, and absolutely NO energy. "Mom, can you play with us?", "maybe in a little bit" which I knew really meant "I'm going to say in a little bit hoping that you'll forget and I won't have to get up". This makes me tear up thinking about it. I of all people should realize how precious time spent with my children should be. I only had 18 years with my mom. They are only kids once and time goes way too fast to tell them "in a bit".
I know what I should eat to have a healthy body. I know a simple walk can do wonders for my body and mood. I would start to make these changes and if I was lucky, it would last a week then back to what's easy.
What's different this time? I'm using tools that are available to me to keep it going. A dear friend tried for months...years to help me and I fought her off like the plague. I wasn't there yet. I had to hit the bottom and thankfully I did before something serious like a heart attack or stroke forced me too. I hit the bottom and reached out to her. I was ready to listen. She took time to explain this line of products and coaching by AdvoCare. Oh sure, another "magic pill" that leaves me jittery and irritable on top of having to starve myself...YAY! Umm...ok, I was wrong (hard for a stubborn person to admit). After taking the time to educate myself on the products, I'm starting my 24-day Challenge. Challenge? Yes, but for me the challenge will be defeating my worst adversary...myself. I have the most supportive husband, but boy I can be my own worst enemy.
This is day 1 of my journey and I'm choosing to share it. Not because I need accountability, but because if my words and jouney can be even the slightest help to someone else, it will be a true blessing. This will be an honest narration of the struggles, joys, and lessons I encounter. I hope you get as much from this as I do.
I wish you the best Mandi. I know how my life has absolutely changed with the loss of 50 extra pounds. You CAN do this. Don't give up on yourself. Don't give up on those sweet girls. It's not about being skinny, but about being healthy. It's not about a number on a scale, it's about being able to share those fleeting moments with your girls and husband that you've sat out on.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to following your journey and helping in anyway that I can. You're a beautiful person inside and out, it's about time you feel that way yourself.